The best way I know to explain how sure we are of this foster thing is to tell you a little back story.
Marshall and I met on double dates in high school, with other people. Eventually, obviously, those relationship ended and -- after a respectable amount of time! -- Marshall started to like me. Sweet man was so patient with my stubbornness because it took no less than 3 conversations of Marshall telling me he liked me and wanted us to date. Each time I told him he'd have to get over it, we were "just friends". {Ouch.} Long story short, we started dating. I eventually told him over text that I liked him, right before walking into a Chemistry exam. I hate being wrong in general, and I couldn't very well let the words come out of my actual mouth. I walked out to about 50 text messages, 10 phone calls, and a few voicemails all from Marshall. He was determined to get me to actually say it, and then got angry about my timing. He was literally in the car on his way up to college in New Hampshire, and I was currently at school in Austin, Texas. We "officially" started dating over Thanksgiving break when we saw each other at home. Before he went back to school, we went down to Austin to see the crazy Christmas lights on 32nd 1/2 Street. I vividly remember holding his hand, walking down the street and thinking, "I'm going to spend the rest of my life with this man." Seriously. It was weird. I wasn't freaking out, I wasn't nervous, it was just a matter-of-fact thing, but there was no way I was telling him that (it had only been a couple of weeks!! I didn't want to scare the poor guy... or be wrong again). I just knew it. I was going to marry him and we were going to live happily, ever after. Or something.
I had a similar I-just-know experience before all of this, while in Belize. I vividly remembering working in an orphanage on a senior year mission trip, and my heart breaking for all of the children. I remember holding one little boy and thinking how much I just wanted to wrap him up and take him home with me. In that orphanage, I thought, "I am going to adopt". Seeing these kids without people to care for them, and knowing I was able and capable made we want to take all of them and I'd figure out the details later. I came home from that trip and tried to prepare my parents for the fact I was going to adopt all of my kids. They quickly reminded me I had a similar reaction after watching the birthing video they make you watch in sex ed in 6th grade. (Doesn't everyone come home with that reaction? It's the point of showing it in the first place, right?) I knew this was different, though--it was going to happen. I wasn't freaked out, no worrying about it, it was just a fact. As sure as I would dinner that evening, I was going to adopt in the future.
Marshall and I talked about it in dating, though we remember it a little differently. I remember adamantly insisting this was a make-or-break thing for us: we would adopt together or we would probably never get married. I'm pretty sure after I finally said "let's date" he was pretty much good-to-go with whatever crazy things came next. He just remembers saying, "Sure."
We got married and talked about wanting to adopt, but first thinking we were going to try to pursue having biological children. After a miscarriage we thought maybe all of our kids would be through adoption. Then came Harrison, and two years later came Davis. We knew adoption was next.
While in Belize, I thought for sure it would be an international adoption. Yet, as we became more involved in our community, we began wanting to care for kids in our city. For one reason or another, we didn't feel like an adoption agency was the way we were going to go. So, foster to adopt was next. We started the classes, and the Lord sweetly adjusted our views. Adoption started out as a means to complete our family in a way, and now we realized we wanted to care for kids that didn't have another place to go. We want to adopt because there are orphans without parents to care for, love, teach, and protect them. But, if these kids don't have to be orphans, we don't want them to be.
Fostering kids was always the part I was/am most reluctant about. These kids will come, I will love them like my kids, all the while praying that they don't become mine--that their biological family will fight for them, be a safe place for them, will love and care for them in a way the Lord intends parents to parent. I walked into this journey knowing the foster care part would be the most heart-wrenching, but if my broken-heart is the price to pay for this kid being protected and loved, then so. be. it.
These are the ways I saw it, but my God saw the bigger picture. He was orchestrating each step from the beginning: He brought Marshall and me together. He gave us the picture of taking care of children without homes. He led us to adoption through foster care. He designed us both, from the beginning, in such a way that prepared us for these things (Ephesians 2:10).
And now, just as certain I was of marrying Marshall, I know that our family will be a foster family.
No comments:
Post a Comment