Our Foster Journey: Goodbye to Baby L

Baby L was with us for 11 weeks and 4 days. He left 10 days ago.

We thought L was going to be with us for a long time. That is what we were told from everyone who knew about the case. The shortest time frame we were given was from CPS who said L could be placed with grandmother 30 days after her home study, which had recently been denied. The system that takes care of foster children is a mess, and foster families are given little-to-no information about the progress of the case until it affects the foster placement. It is a super strange feeling to love and care for a child and have no say in the decisions made about him.

On Monday, February 16th I got a text from CPS saying he was not going to plan a family visit this week because L would probably be moved to his grandmother's house that week. I'm sorry, what?! I frantically tried to figure out what in the world was going on, and turns out the judge had made a decision at court the week prior that expedited the process of L's moving foster homes, so long as grandmother met a  requirement or two. She completed one requirement on Thursday, CPS performed the home study on Friday, and here we were a Monday when CPS submitted the paperwork to L's lawyer and the judge to sign off on the move. After some confusion, and more chaos, it was finally decided the following Tuesday that L would be leaving Friday, February 20th.

Those were the longest two weeks of foster care. I fought with whatever minuscule influence I had to make sure that grandmother knew all that was required of his skin and health. I pushed back wanting to make completely certain that this was a safe place for L, where he would be loved and protected and not moved around again. In my head I always knew L was never mine, but it sure came to feel like he was. The most frustrating part of those 2 weeks was knowing no matter how hard I fought for this baby, it did not really matter what I felt or thought. It would not change what others had decided was best for L.

It was heart wrenching to know he was leaving, to think of him not being around the house. It was difficult to explain to the boys that L's house was safe now so he was leaving, without being fully convinced of it ourselves. I was angry at CPS for not setting better expectations. The other people involved in the case kept saying they wanted L to stay in our home, but it was out of their hands. Individually, they each said they did not think this would be L's permanent home because of his medical care, that he would probably be back in the system in the future. It was a mess and I had no control. I thought I knew what was best for L, and I was so angry no one was listening to me.

Now, 10 days later, after being covered in prayer by hundreds of people, even though the facts of this case and L's circumstances are the same, I have quiet confidence that the Lord is good and the Lord is still in control of L's story. These were some of the first verses I learned to meditate on, and they have a whole new depth now:

My frame was not hidden from you
     when I was made in the secret place,
     when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be. 

Psalm 139:15-16

The Lord has been with L from his conception. The Lord knew each one of his days before one of them came to be. Some of those days would be with our family because the Lord would deliver him from harm and place him in a place he would be safe, loved, and nursed back to health. The Lord has protected L from the beginning, without an inch of my control, and he'll continue to look after L long after he leaves our home. So, now I rest not in our abilities as a foster family, or the system's success, but in the truth of my God's sovereign goodness.

Prayer has been mighty in this process from the beginning, so join us in praying for L's future, for grandmother's ability, resolve, and perseverance in caring for L's health, that he will not have to change homes again, and that L would grow into a man that teaches others of the Lord's sovereign goodness. Pray with us for L's sake, for all our sake so we can watch the Lord in action, and so when the Lord answers our prayers, we will give all of the credit where the credit is due!


Thanks for all of the prayers and support you've shown L and our family. We always knew foster care would be uncomfortable, but there is no way we would have survived this first adventure without all of your support. So, now our family is resting for a couple of months. We are working at getting our feet back underneath us, taking a couple of trips, and then we will be put back on the list for more calls and another placement. We'll do this again, because the Lord is pushing back in dark places, and we want to be a part of it!